As I write I won't have internet for a while. There's a password-free network called "linksys" (thank goodness for those networks) somewhere nearby, but I am not desperate enough to awkwardly move my computer around, trying to find out where the signal is strongest. That may change within the next few days.
I am slowly getting over the initial shock of being moved out on my own. It seems like some kind of joke as I type it, for surely I am not that grown up, but at least I'm not still crying.
Justin, my mom and I drove through the rain and arrived around noon with my belongings crushed up against me and stuffing the trunk. After finding Erica we transported my piles of stuff from the car to the house. Justin and I unpacked while my mom chatted with Paul and Erica downstairs. I really thought I had LOTS of things to disperse, but my cottage seems surprisingly empty.
Erica took us for a quick tour of the farm. Everything is much grassier and bird-full than the last time I was here! There are also little asparaguses peeping out their heads. They were really cute, I'm excited to eat some! We said hi to the cows and the cows said moo. We also met the mother and father of the family that live here.
Then around two Erica left for work, and my mom started mentioning leaving. I said "NO DON'T LEAVE ME!" then suggested more tactfully that we go explore the little downtown of Morgantown.
After some thrift shopping and pizza we drove home. We shopped a little at the on site health food store. Then my mom said it was really time to leave. I said "how about not", and she said "we must". Then, at 3:00, they really drove away. Suddenly as I closed the door after waving goodbye it hit me. I just moved out of home for the first time! I'm not going to see Justin or Nikiah or my mom for at least a week! I started sobbing.
To distract my self I began putting away the dishes Erica provided for me. Luckily the cabinet situation is kind of odd so I had to do a little organizing which was satisfying to figure out. I eventually made everything just right.
During all this a phone guy and paul were setting up some phone lines to the intern house, so I was really trying not to cry too loud because they were right outside the window on a ladder. Paul came in and told me I wouldn't have a phone line for a few days because he had to figure out how to get some wires hooked up from the inside to the outside. I don't know how much longer after that I will have an internet connection.
I wandered upstairs. I glanced out the window and realized, hey! There are flower buds all over the tree outside my window! That cheered me up quite a bit. I set up my computer, which was productive and comforting. Then I wrote this.
As I finish up it is 5:27 PM. not too many hours before I'll sleep. I've been here by my self (except when Paul came in) for two and a half hours. I hope I'm not sad tonight.
A note at 8:27 pm
I seem to start crying a lot more when I am in the kitchen. Our kitchen has been under construction for so long now that I have this instinctive feeling telling: "homes don't have kitchens!" And suddenly I feel lost and so far from everything. As if I'm a little kid trying to play house when I am really lost in the woods.
It feels intimidating to have such a big house to my self. I can hardly manage to wander beyond my own room and the second floor bathroom. I'm going to watch the fall to distract my self, then fall asleep. That's the plan anyway.